Sexual Education/Thoughts — Artist Thoughts

Content Warning: Pet-Master/Submissive-Dominant/Predator-Prey Dynamics, BDSM, Kink, Primal, Sex.

This blog entry is focused on my personal relationships with the terms “Primal” and “Pet”.

Pet play is a kink that I have a lot of experience in, though I have discovered that I prefer to be connected to the Primal term. As I have gone through my research, I have concluded that I am more interested in the realm of predator/prey instead of still living within the realm of master/pet. There was always something that did not feel quite right about being a pet, though the main theme of being an animal was still enticing.

I still wear collars quite often, but I have never really considered them a specific item to be used only as a pet. As for anal plugs, I do like the tail ones, but I have discovered that my enjoyment of the tail plugs is more about the anal stimulation and less about it being a tail for the sake of being a pet. These days, I tend to prefer a jeweled or stainless steel ones, as they are much easier to clean and maintain. Most of my paws, ears, leashes, and attachable tails have taken a back seat in my life. These days I only take them out for aesthetic purposes instead of for sexual desires. I still love the aesthetics of Pet Play, though I am not interested in personally being a part of a pet/master dynamic.

One of the parts I struggled with the most about being a pet was the sense of humiliation some of the acts were designed to bring across. I was always more after the sense of animalistic nature and acting out being a creature instead of a human. For me, it became less about the dominant/submissive nature of the role-play. I wanted to fight back, to bite and scratch while not being “punished” for it in a Sub/Dom form. Therefore, I spent a lot of time thinking about my relationship with pet-play and concluded that the pleasure I was after was slightly different.

However, some parts of pet play scenes I did enjoy. My favorite was being on my knees and being told by my dominant to offer them pleasure. It was less about the demands and more about a person looming over me and my actions practically bringing them to their knees too. My second favorite was feeling a tug on my collar as my dominant would guide me where they wanted my mouth to be. I like the feeling of a collar being pulled on in the same way that I like the feeling of tights on my thighs.

My least favorite aspects of the pet play scenes was being restrained from certain animalistic characteristics that I wanted to show through. Two things I have come to know that I love to do is bite and scratch. As a pet, I was often told that it was considered “bad” behavior and that a punishment would be in order. Even so far as restraining my hands within pet gloves (with my consent) so I would be unable to use my “claws”. I realized that I wanted my partners to fight back with the same passion instead of restraining it.

Thinking all these things over as I continued my research and self reflection, I have concluded that rather than being a submissive pet (though I still have submissive qualities that I enjoy), I am in the realm of Predator/Prey (also known as Primal play).

A “Primal” (which can also be specified as “Predator/Prey” dynamics if Submission/Dominance roles are used) is someone who enjoys primal play. Primal play is a style of BDSM that focuses on the raw feelings and actions that are evoked by natural impulses and urges. Social norms and niceties are discarded for those natural impulses and urges. The civilized shell most people carry gives way to emotions and sexual desire that ranges from happiness, joy, playfulness, silliness, sadness, and grief. It is letting go of all structures society places on us as we become our raw and wild selves.

Primal play is based around the concept of retreating to the primitive “animalistic” persona of the human experience, where labels and protocols do not apply. Wrestling, pulling hair back, biting, scratching, and growling are some of the many things that fit into this style of BDSM. If there is a high level of trust between two partners (which there should be for all sexual acts with others) primal play can be very intimate and explosive as a BDSM sex practice. It opens you up to your partner in new and vulnerable ways that they may have never seen.

I am Wild. I am Raw. I am Primal.

Photo Taken by Luna Fyrewillow. Model: Luna Fyrewillow.

Content Warning: Gentials, Intercourse, Masturbation

“Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another.”
– Madonna

Don't knock masturbation, it is sex with someone I love.”
— Woody Allen, in Annie Hall

One strong opinion that I have is that masturbation is extremely healthy and there should be no shame in practicing self-pleasure on a regular basis. For all gender identities, there are numerous benefits to masturbation. Some people masturbate everyday or more than once a day, some people once a week, once every few weeks, or every now and then. Some people may never masturbate and there is nothing wrong with that. These are all valid and normal behaviors. There is nothing wrong with having a high or low sexual libido. The only time masturbation can become “too much” is if it gets in the way of your job, your responsibilities, or your social/romantic life. Then it may be a good idea to seek out therapy to talk about the issue. Some people learn when they are quite young that masturbating is “wrong” or “bad”, so they feel guilty about doing it. If you feel that way, try to remember that; based on studies done, most people in the world do masturbate.

I have come across the stigma of masturbation being a negative act a few times now and I feel like this is a common problem. It is an old-fashioned stigma that is changing slowly in today’s modern thought. Masturbating is one of the greatest ways to celebrate your sexual power and show yourself some self-love. It took me a long time to realize that enjoying masturbation was not a bad thing, but once I got over that obstacle, through more research and reflection, I realized just how positive and empowering discovering my own sexual ability and nature was for me. It allowed me to have a deeper understanding of my body, my pleasures, what I do and do not like, and connect with my inner self more. Another thing I learned on my journey so far, is that it is okay and healthy to masturbate if you are in a relationship.

Lots of people in relationships masturbate. Masturbating when you are in a relationship does not mean that your partner is not satisfying you. I think this is along the same lines as my thoughts of bringing sex toys into the bedroom. It is never a comment on my partners sexual ability but just an enhancement to the experience. There is a difference between sex with others and self-sex. As with all relationships, it takes communication. Do not be afraid to discuss masturbation with each other. It could even be a turn-on!

I choose to speak about Masturbation from a view of encouraging and loving it, but I recognize that it is not an activity that everyone wants to engage in. For this educational post, I will be focusing on the positive benefits of Masturbating.

Physical Health Benefits:

1) Increases Immunity – Improves the functioning of the immune system by increasing cortisol levels, which can regulate the immune system in small doses.

2) Prevents cervical infections – Masturbating prevents cervical and urinary tract infections through the process of “tenting”. Tenting is the opening of the cervix that occurs during the arousal process. It stretches the cervix and thus the cervical mucus released flushes out the bacteria.

3) Reduces the risk of prostate cancer – Masturbation helps in reducing the risk of prostrate cancer because it gives the prostate a chance to flush out potential and harmful cancer-causing agents.

4) It lowers the risk of type-2 diabetes – in several studies, people who have internal genitals, who have experienced more orgasms, and had greater satisfaction with sex – with or without a partner – were concluded to have greater resistance to coronary heart disease and type-2 diabetes.

5) Fights insomnia – Dopamine (the “feel good” hormone) is released during the anticipation of a sexual climax. After the climax, the calming hormones, Oxytocin, Prolactin, and Endorphins are released, which help in sleeping. Masturbation can thus, naturally fight against insomnia.

6) It helps to keep your body sexually ready. Self-stimulating keeps your reproductive tissues flexible, strong, and healthy. This is good for couples who are separated from each other or if you want to present the best sexual side of yourself while dating.

7) The Endorphins that masturbation releases also act as a pain reliever, which can bring relief from menstrual pain.

Sexual Health Benefits:

1) Safest of all Sexual Behavior – While you masturbate, there is no risk of pregnancies or the transmission of sexually transmitted infections.

2) Increases sexual satisfaction – when you masturbate, the pelvic floor is strengthened. When the pelvic floor is strong, it increases the muscle tone, heart rate, and respiration. The uterus “lifts” off the pelvic floor, strengthening the entire region. This results in better sexual satisfaction.

3) Reduced performance anxiety – There is no way you can disappoint your partners while masturbating mutually. It removes the performance anxiety around making sure the other person is enjoying themselves instead of focusing on your own enjoyment.

4) Improves sex life – masturbation is a good way to learn more about your own body and your likes and dislikes. It helps in open communication with your partners about your preferences, which will improve your sex life.

5) Frequent masturbation improves sperm quality – there is less DNA damage and motility problems with fresh sperm.

Mental Health Benefits:

1) Masturbation helps you feel relief from depressive emotions while you are aroused. Dopamine and Epinephrine hormones increase. These hormones act as mood-boosters.

2) Relives Stress – As Lonnie Barbach writes in her book “For yourself: The fulfillment of female sexuality”, stress can be a result of avoiding sex. Masturbation can help relieve such emotional stress by giving out time for yourself amidst other responsibilities.

3) Helps you to know yourself better - When you love and nurture yourself, you are more self-aware. When you can recognize and articulate these things about your body, you can get to know yourself better.

4) You will not get as many junk food cravings – Higher levels of Oxytocin makes us feel happier which keeps those emotionally triggered food cravings for sugar, cheese, and other “comfort foods” at bay. Oxytocin levels are usually increased simply through physical stimulation. For those with internal genitals, stimulation of the clitoris, vagina, cervix, and breasts. For those with external genitals, the physical stimulation of the genital area, especially the head (or glans), frenulum, foreskin, scrotum, perineum, and the prostate. So even if climax is not reached, the body will still release this powerful neurotransmitter.

5) Sexual pleasure brings you back to the present moment - It can be a powerful tool in remaining grounded and mindful, thus reducing anxiety.

In conclusion, when you know what you need to bring yourself pleasure, you strengthen your emotional intelligence and connection to your body. Knowing how your body works, and what you are capable of regardless of your relationship status can help you make better decisions and stronger boundaries around dating and mating. When you can bring yourself physical pleasure, you do not need someone else to validate that you are a powerful, sexual being.

Books Related to Masturbation:

1) Feminist Porn Book: The Politics of Producing Pleasure – Edited by Tristan Taormino, Celine Parrenas Shimizu, Constance Penney, Mireille Miller-Young

2) Liberating Masturbation: A Meditation on Selflove – Betty Dodson

3) My Romantic Love Wars: A Sexual Memoir – Betty Dodson

4) Sex for One – Betty Dodson

5) For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality – Lonnie Barbach

6) Solitary Sex: A Cultural History of Masturbation - Professor Thomas W. Laqueur

7) With the Hand: A Cultural History of Masturbation - Mels van Driel

8) MASTURBATION WORRIES: Check Out the Comprehensive Information, Bothering Questions and Myths Surrounding Masturbation and Its Relationship With Erectile Dysfunction - JOHNSON MILLER

9) Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life - Emily Nagoski Ph.D.

10) Bang!: Masturbation for People of All Genders and Abilities - Vic Liu